How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
