We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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