youre lurking in front of me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
