In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
