Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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