Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize