fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
