I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm passing your future prison.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
