It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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