She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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