i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
