If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
