Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Semen is not good for contacts.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
