I think I died a long time ago.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
