i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
