it's too hot outside to masturbate.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
