Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
