Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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