I cockslap morals
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
