she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
