You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
