apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize