your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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