White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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