Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
