If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
