so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
