my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
