dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
