I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
