he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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