Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize