i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
