I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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