I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
