Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
