so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
