i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
