Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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