I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
