All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
