My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
