We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i've created a new STD.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize