Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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