i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
