I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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