just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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