He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He did a backflip because drugs
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