This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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