Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this just has baby written all over it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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