I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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