We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
