I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
