I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
