Can Purell be used as lube?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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