I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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