Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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