I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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