Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
