Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
