I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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