I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
