Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
