I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
